Self help advice teeen depression therapists answer please?

alright i know this is long but please spare a moment to read. thank you. i just got over a rough break up and with each date ive had i realize that none of them are like what i want. i am kind of picky in a relationship, i like to have a close, loving relationship but every one i have ever had they cheated on me or they said i was "over protective". will i ever find the one? now because im so over protective everyone hates me, and not for the same reason and because of this i have slipped into a teen depression. and i cant talk to anyone about how i feel. my dad thinks im immature and need to handle my own problems, my mom is always sleeping or working because she works night shift. and i cant talk to my grand parents because one is senile and cant carry a conversation and i cannot talk to my other two because of family issues. my uncles and aunts are out of town and don't give a rats *** about me. in fact my mom was an "accident" and shouldn't even be here right now and since i figured this out i became more depressed and i am being sent to a cristian school because of stress but my own family says that i went so that i could "get straightened out" and because i am depressed and have to hold it back my parents don't even want to be around me. i have had suicidal thoughts but nothing major and i always resist. i have had thoughts of running away to the point where i even extensively mapped a local forest and the Ideall runaway shelter. and i am told by my parents that they love me but i just don't feel it. like anything i do my dad freaks out over and i am sheltered most of my life to the point where i had to teach myself everything i now about being a man, from wood working and raising a home to hunting. and since my dad is never a major part of my life we do not get along very well. i need to fix my life get a girl and figure out what the **** to do with my life and anything i do i will do alone because i cannot even trust my friends. hell i trust stranger over internet chat rooms and this place more than i do my friends or family and no one understands my mental anguish, my sheer desperation to feel something. in fact i enjoy being bullied so that i know im not in hell yet.i am a christian man but i have only my faith and the clothes on my back to rely on now.